Howdy folks. It’s been a while.
There’s a very very good reason for that. And while I don’t want to say too much yet as things aren’t completely finalized, every aspect of my life is in upheaval now. Good upheaval. Great upheaval.
What I can say is that I’ve quit my job of eleven years – if my reader(s) hasn’t(haven’t) given up on me, you might recall that I worked in a warehouse – and am in the middle of a move. And let me just say, the one redeeming feature of poverty is not having much stuff to move. And it’s not just that moving sucks, but that my back is roughly the same diameter as those little sticks of lead that mechanical pencils use, so this is doubly important.
Seriously, on my last day of work, there was, coincidentally, a pizza party. It really was a coincidence, as a merger had just gone through that placed the company in far better management, allowing me to leave feeling like the place was going to be okay. At this party, no less than five people urged me to eat more pizza because I am too skinny.
This is, of course, exactly like urging an overweight person to, hey, lay off the pizza, it’s not like you couldn’t survive for six weeks on your reserves there, buddy. Yet I still feel the need to defend myself and say that with my metabolism, working in a 110 degree warehouse for eight hours a day, five days a week is in itself one hell of a weight-loss regimen, however involuntary. I really think that by next summer it would have become a health concern. Plus, given the nature of this town, everybody probably thinks that I’m on methamphetamine.
I’m not. I mean, I think we all know I’m not exactly DEA material here, but drugs are one thing and poison is quite another.
At any rate, I plan to return to regular posting once some sort of equilibrium is established. Other details I can offer: my car died. For good this time. She and I had a good long run, but all things come to an end. I traded down for a bicycle, which is a pretty radical shift and helpful for cultivating that eco-green-hippie-hipster image that absolutely no one in Texas is so crazy about. Hopefully that’s how you can know I’m sincere. I’ve also done volunteer work for the first time. Lastly, this place we’re moving to on Monday is a sweet one. I’ll be back out in the country where the term neighbor only applies very loosely. Not only that, but it’s like living in a Zen retreat; B-Dog knows what I mean, his place has that vibe too, judging from pictures. Very, very much looking forward to that.
And as I’ve brought up the eco-hippie thing, check this out. I believe we’re going to go this route once we’re out there. And sorry to beat that dead horse, but having grown up in the land of Oil and Smoke, it’s a hell of a revelation.
Let me expand on that revelation part of it for a moment, though. I mean that almost literally; I’m not religious at all, but I’m spiritual as hell, and all this upheaval feels good and right. It’s a path of a sort, no different from those followed by monks in monasteries. Every aspect of the transition, including the new job I’m about to start, has simply fallen into place, only requiring me to not be lazy and shiftless and reach out. As I believe my posting patterns bear out, that’s a problem with me. Still, I gave ample notice at work, ample notice to the apartment, planned everything out, budgeted the available monies in such a manner to carry it all off without a hitch. To a normal person it’s business as usual; for me it’s nothing short of glorious triumph.
The universe, and I literally, honestly believe this, made a way for me, and it seemed to me nothing short of blasphemous to shirk the walking. I know it sounds corny, and perhaps even narcissistic, but think back on your own life when you were pursuing something that you knew at the deepest core of your being was the Right Thing To Do, and see if you can remember the world opening up. Not so much the things you had power over, but the things that you didn’t. It’s when the outside forces align with you that you know you’re onto something. Luck, sort of. Roughly.
And given the job that I’ve accepted, that all this is for, literally a childhood dream job, it only strengthens my conviction that this is all in accordance with…something. Will, Tao, Dharma, call it what you will. It’s there for everyone, and I’m certainly not special in the least that it’s playing out for me, particularly in that what it’s leading me to is ultimately a humble, quiet thing. The reason it doesn’t make me special because it’s actually inescapable, for all of us, and if life disrobing before you isn’t enough to get you aroused, life can and will progress, sometimes rapidly, to beating you upside the head and in the face in order to get your attention.
Don’t think life is into S&M? Read up on yogic or otherwise mystic philosophy sometime. The real stuff, the old school stuff. Life is kinky as fuck. They not only actually believe that existence is basically Divine Masturbation, but it kind of makes sense the way they explain it.
That latter (the beating about the head, not the Divine Masturbation, although that’s a beating about the head of another sort) has been how it’s had to play out with me in the past. Let’s hope it’s different this time, because as essentially my entire life is changing, there’s a lot to lose. When you’ve quit your job that you’ve had for a third of your life, given notice on the only place you’ve lived outside of your childhood home and let go of the concept of automobiles, it’s hard not to feel a bit apprehensive, however otherwise hopeful you might be.
Serious shit, y’all. Can’t wait until I can tell the whole story.
blueinthislight 